Year of the Horse

So begins the Year of the Horse. Here are a few snippets of advice I’ve received regarding this transitory period and how it will absolutely affect our lives.

Men, you need to care more about your stomach.

I don’t know how much you usually care about your stomach but ramp it up a notch. It’s not entirely clear why but your increased care should serve you well until another animal takes over chronological responsibilities. Next year is the Year of the Goat and goats eat all kinds of stuff so presumably we can stop caring about our stomachs at all next year and begin quaffing pints of gravel.

‘Husbands and wife’s will argue a lot this year, a focus on communication and understanding will improve this situation.’

Advice that sits well with the best qualities of horses; we are reminded to communicate and be emotionally open to avoid spousal problems. Ever seen a horse engage in an extended verbal argument? Of course you haven’t. There’s a reason for that; that reason is Astrology.

Dzi beads are good for you in 2014

Piss off.

Finally some choice words from the purveyor of astonishing bullshit reputable  news site http://www.consciouslifenews.com (great for a laugh):

Decisions you make in any new cycle are important, for they can have a profound impact on the rest of the cycle. 

News just in, decisions have consequences! This year the decisions you make will reside in some kind of causal chain where one thing will lead to another thing. My God the Year of the Horse is going to be strange! Hopefully we can all handle this huge metaphysical shift; thanks for the crushing insight CLN!

You must be grounded and in your heart to make the optimal choices. It’s not enough to mentally say that you are in your heart – you must truly reside there and operate from there. 

Stop mentally residing in your brain! Clearly your brain is rubbish at making choices. Mentally reside in an organ incapable of mental activity, you fucking idiot! What are you playing at!

Be specific.

Yes definitely. Try to avoid talking in a loose and general way such that what you say can be roughly interpreted as true by almost anybody. Don’t utilise vagueness as a means to appear wise or prophetic. You may accidentally exploit some idiots who can’t differentiate between useful advice and the incoherent ramblings of a self-proclaimed ‘intuitive healer’.

Sound advice, Conscious Life News, sound advice.

funny-farm-animals-17

Have a good one!

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